The night of her twentieth birthday left bittersweet feelings brewing in her. It was supposed to be a start of something new, something fresh. The last year of her teenage, waiting for her to take full advantage of it in the few minutes left of it.
The last remnant of naive carelessness.
She should have been out partying with her friends, if she had any, probably getting high on all sorts of substances, should have been getting lost in the feel of a warm body against her as she lost herself to the rhythmic plethora of heavy bass beats, some sort of new EDM track as club lights glimmered with sweat on her skin; trying to forget her miserable existence of a life as she managed to squeeze in a couple of wild moments.
But here she was, looking out her window, gazing at the half hidden moon as she lay sprawled across a modest bed in a room she shared with her elder sister, who was sound asleep.
She had been looking at it for hours now, at the moon, at the only companion with whom she dared to share her sorrows, lost in studying the shadowy splotches marring its shining silvery surface. Stars shone like pearls across the night sky, playing hide and seek with the clouds.
Night was her only getaway. And moon, her salvation.
There was so much she wished to convey to the moon. So much that weighed heavily on her thoughts, somehow settling in her chest and making it uneasy for her to breathe.
Maybe the reality of what she was about to do was finally sinking in somewhere in that subconscious part of her mind.
The stress had been too much to handle recently. She tried everything in her power to make things as manageable as she could. But the last couple of years had been relentless upon her.
She worked so hard, so hard, to become the child her parents so ardently desired. Improved her scores in school, maintained a good body shape, got in a well respected university, graduated with a modest set of scores. Academics were as hard as they could be but the extra curriculars were a separate issue.
You have talent, people would say. You can achieve so much, they would say rather disdainfully, so much potential but you’re not doing it right. A failure.
She had tried to make it right. She had become unrivalled. Still, it never seemed enough, not to her but for the people around her.
She could top in her academics and her extra cirriculars, be the best in them across the face of earth but there was only so much she could bear when she constantly stood on the recieving end of negative comments.
Once, just once if someone said something nice…
She couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed, or even smiled, simply because she wanted to.
But it all came down to her other recluse, her other escape from her wretched life.
No one understood her when she tried explaining how she didn’t have a reason to wake up from her sleep; no one even tried; as it was always dismissed as her being lazy.
And to her grief, as much as she tried, she couldn’t shake off that one label. She was anything but lazy. But no one seemed to care about her thoughts; her mother’s, her father’s and her sister’s voices were always in her mind, scolding her for giving in to her sleep.
As if she did it out of choice.
So for once, finally, she decided. Decided to give in to her sleep willingly, so her kin would find their claims fulfilled, so she could finally be guilty of a crime she did commit.
And that night, as the moon hid behind the heavy clouds, she went to sleep one last time as a nineteen year old and never woke up.